CompuBlab

If it's computer related, we'll blab about it!

Category: Tech Rage

How to Contact Amazon.com Customer Service via Telephone

It has rarely been the case that I have ever needed to speak to Amazon.com’s technical support staff via telephone, but I have to say, the few times I’ve needed to do so it has not always been a breeze to locate their telephone number. Since my wife just recently needed to do exactly that, here is the number that she used:

866-216-1072

Of course, this number is only known to be valid as of yesterday: October 4, 2014. Hopefully it will continue to be valid, but we all know how quickly telephone numbers can change.

Rules for Running an Open Source Project

Rules to follow when setting up and running an open source project:

  • Your project must have an unintelligible name that cannot possibly be linked to the actual purpose/use of your product. The stranger the better (e.g. Zynga, Apache, Redis, Firefox, Chrome, etc.)
  • Your website must be written from the point of view that everyone viewing your site already knows all about the project.
  • At least half of the download mirror sites listed on your website must have broken links
  • At no time do you ever put a date anywhere on your website, on your downloads, or on your documentation. You don’t want anyone figuring out that your project was abandoned 15 years ago…
  • Every book regarding your project must have a really large opening chapter that tells the uninteresting story of how your project began.
  • All white papers and blog articles on your main website should be written as sales ads rather than offering anything of engineering value.
  • You need to program your online support forums so that whenever anyone asks a technical question, the forum automatically picks a team member name at random and forges a reply post asking “why do you want to do that?”
  • You set up a kickstarter project and once you get the money and start developing your project…you sell out as fast as you can to the first bidder then grab the money and run, leaving all of your donors who thought you’d continue development after your kickstarter project was completed twisting in the wind. It is best if you can be bought out by a very rich punk who runs a social networking site that has no foreseeable use for your technology.

Just lessons learned from a lifetime of working in technology…

Note to Software Developers: Computers CAN Count!

When I was attending my very first college course in computer science at the University of Michigan, I recall talking about the types of things that computers did well…and the types of things they did NOT do well.

At the top of the list of things that computers do well is the ability to count. In fact, a computer will happily sit and count all day, all month, all year, and so on until you tell it to stop (and even then it will probably keep counting).

So why on earth are we all subjected to the following insult phone call after phone call that goes something like this:

system: “Welcome to <insert company name here>. To better serve you, please enter your 12-digit account number…then press pound.”

Excuse me? Enter my 12-digit account number…THEN press pound?

Um…”why?”

Are you telling me that your computer, knowing full well that I intend to press 12 digits, is incapable of counting the 12 tones and then knowing that I’m finished? What kind of 10-cent per hour programmers/system designers are you employing???

Now, to be fair, back in the day when these telephone systems were just being developed, the hardware and software on the base system was tuned to always expect the “pound key” as the end of a line of input (much like you press the key today…or click on the “OK” button).

But times have changed people! Systems now are capable of counting the numbers I have to enter into one of those cursed phone systems, so please…PLEASE…stop asking me to press pound when you KNOW how many digits I am going to enter.

The second most annoying trait of any phone system I have ever encountered is the “waste your time data collection algorithm” that so many of them employ. You know the system I referring to as I’m sure you have encountered this exchange before:

system: “Welcome to <insert company name here> To better serve you, please enter your 12-digit account number…then press pound.”
you: <enter your 12 digit account number and press pound>
system: “Thank you. Please enter your date of birth, then press pound.”
you: <enter your date of birth and press pound>
system: “Thank you Please enter your secret password, then press pound.”
you: <enter your secret password and press pound>
system: “Thank you. I will now connect you to a customer service representative.”
Customer Service Representative: “Hello, my name is <insert name here>, could you please give me your account number, your date of birth, and your secret password so I can verify your account?”

At this point you are seeing red and contemplating the purchase of a firearm and a plane ticket to the location of this company’s call center!

Now, I’m sorry to say that some companies actually have it as their goal to prevent you from speaking to a human being, and so these systems are DESIGNED to get you frustrated and hopefully to hang up before you ever get to the call center representative (I’ve worked for companies like this in my past). I suspect, however, that other companies just buy into one of these systems without ever seriously considering the type of “face” it shows to the customer.

So all of this is well and good, but what can you do about it? That’s simple. Complain about it.

If I have had my time wasted with an annoying phone system, the first thing I do when I get a human being on the phone is make certain I waste AT LEAST as much of their time as I had to waste getting to them. The easiest way to do this is to rag on them about their phone system. Be certain to request that a complaint be filed in your file, or else get from them the mailing address or email address of where you can file such a complaint. Then be sure you DO file the complaint. There is power in a large number of complaints

Kudos Note: I have to say I am thoroughly impressed with the phone system being used by Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Michigan (who manages my health insurance). You would not believe how their system works:

  1. The system GIVES YOU THE CHOICE of using voice responses or numeric responses. I for one hate trying to get a phone system to properly understand my responses, so I always use the numeric responses (that is, by pressing keys on the phone).
  2. If the system asks you to enter a 16 digit number, it doesn’t ask you to press pound at the end. It actually counts the number of button presses you make and knows you are done when you have pressed the required number of buttons. HOW COOL IS THAT???
  3. When you actually *do* get to speak to a human being, they have all of the information you just entered into their phone system. How novel!

Stupid technology exists in part because people accept it as given. Start giving feedback to the suppliers of your stupid technology. I cannot guarantee it will make it difference, but I *can* guarantee that nothing will change if you do not provide feedback.

When Stupidity Reigns in Technology

I’ve opened up a new category for posts called “Tech Rage,” which is dedicated to all of those gloriously stupid moments in technology where common sense failed. As a technology professional, it has been my experience that most often such failures occur when one or more of the following take place:

  • The developer of the technology goes through a lengthy development cycle and manages to never once use the new product or tool themselves in an environment that comes close to the environment that exists around the target customer.
  • The developer of the technology gets caught up in thinking about how a computer scientist or engineer (or whatever vocation the product is targeted at) would solve a problem, and forgets that their end users are NOT computer scientists or engineers.
  • The developer of the technology suffers unavoidable interference from an unqualified HiPPO (highest paid person’s opinion).
  • The developer of the technology gets so bogged down in the details of the product that they forget to look at the big picture.
  • The developer of the technology fails to apply common sense.

Tech Rage is all around us, and I hope to shed some light (and if nothing else, some laughs) about something we all love to hate.

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